Another new:

https://lisamarie91.blogspot.com/

Fact: I always get my hopes up to only get let down..

Realize;

"Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh through the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason."

---

I'm not exactly sure how to feel. If I should let my guard down.. no it's too soon. But does that mean I'm scared? What happened to taking risks?.. It's already too late. I always get so lost and mixed into my emotions that I get closed off. I know it's a bad thing, but I do it anyways.

I'm such a hopeless romantic, its sad.. I don't believe in love like I used to. I've been burned one too many times, I see my homegirls go through almost the exact same thing I've been through.. and it's not right. It's one of those, if I knew what I know back than situations, well it's too late.

Should I just stay in naive bliss?.. it's better than falling too deep and getting your heart broken. If I'm happy just for the moment, than so be it. I'll be content with it. I'm just not ready for the let down.. again. Just thinking about it still hurts. I know that I'm too strong in my pride to let it get to me. All I do is move on. I can keep doing the same thing.

I'll keep a smile on my face because that's all I can do for now. I don't see a point in being sad anymore because that will get you no where.

-Lim

ALREADY TAKEN

Late Night Ramble;

My hearts feels torn.. torn of having to choose between what's right and what I want. Is it wrong to be selfish? Does that make me a bad person? If I'm happy, am I wrong for feeling that way? I'm not so sure anymore. I just want to reach out and see who will be there to grab my hand and stick with me.. people choose to walk away every single day. Sometimes they choose to come back.

I always feel like I'm waiting and wondering.. always wondering if they'll decide to stick around. I understand that everyone has their reasons of leaving and coming back. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes and I wish I could change them, but I can't. That's life and you have to take the consequences that come with it.. even if it means losing something like your pride.. or someone..

.. my mind is way too cluttered to finish this blog, especially since it's 3 in the morning.. I'llgather my thoughts for another blog.

-Lim

My 3rd tattoo on the back of my neck. My grandpa's name ; Chhem Chhum written in cambodian writing. Rest in Peace.. I love you and I miss you. Last week marked his 8 year passing..

Out Of It

Some days I feel like I'm holding on for dear life. Making sure that every moment is real. Trying so hard to just not let it all go. But how do you keep moving forward when your heart feels numb? Prone to the pain.

I don't really have a choice but to keep going. I've learned that the world doesn't stop for anyone. You have to keep moving forward with it.

I feel like I've been screwed over so many times, how do I know what's real? I just don't anymore. I'm never going to understand why people can be so conniving.. why people lie. I guess I miss the innocence of it all. When we all could just play around and the only thing that would hurt is falling and scraping your knee.

The sad thing about this is I know that I'm never going to be able to just open my heart to just anyone. I'd always been guarded.. but I've never felt like I had to put my guard up like this.

I'm just getting tired of feeling hurt.. it's just time to find just follow my own path.

-Lim

I've always guarded my heart..

but I never thought my walls could get any higher until today.

-Lim

Fact: I need a ride or die kinda of guy in my life.

I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor ;

I took a dance class at westlake with my sister tonight and it felt good to just dance again. At first I felt rusty cause it's been awhile but as the class went on, it just felt good. I messed up but just danced like whatever. In that hour, I felt happy and could just be me without a care in the world.

Lately, I've just been feeling frustrated over the most stupidest things.. it's about time I just brush them off and realize that there are bigger things to be fussing over. I need to keep focused and remember all my goals I had set aside so long ago.

It's time to just get back on track.. and do what I do.

-Lim

Fact: I hate crying myself to sleep..

-Lim

"Beautiful girls all over the world,

I could be chasing but my time would be wasted.

They got nothing on you baby,

nothing on you baby.."

-B.O.B.

Throwbacks ;

Lately I've been getting hit with just thinking about the past. I've always been the kind of girl to just forgive, move on.. I never forget, anything. It's easier to but that's just not me. Once I've been hurt in the past, it sticks with me. It's true that I've everything I've gone through has made me the person that I am today.

I've gone through enough to just know better.. Sometimes thats not the case. I feel like I make the same foolish mistakes over and over again.. That needs to change.

I think my heart has gone through enough this past year and its not fair to go through anymore. I just always get the comfort of having someone by my side. I'm looking for something real. I've played the game way too many times, and honestly I'm over it all. It's like I've gone through the same thing so many times that I can guess the next moves right before it happens.

But than again, I always let fear get in the way.. I say I'm ready, but than I fall back and put my guard up again. I need real talk, no games.

-Lim

6 years ago,

... I would've never imagined I would be the person that I am today. I got into a deep conversation with my homegirl about how everything used to be so innocent, compared to how everything is now. How easy it is to be influenced, how easy it is to say yes into temptation. How easy it is to brush everything off.

6 years ago.. that little girl I used to be would be disappointed to know how she has ended up to be. I always say that I'm going to "change." But I always seem to find myself looking at the easy way out. That's just how things have been. I lost who I was for the longest time. Forgeting about my dreams and my goals that I had set so high. All I cared about was just having a good time until the next good time. But now I realize how stupid that was because I had put so much on the line..

I think that little girl I used to be should be happy to know how strong she will be though. How to hold her head up through whatever cirumstance she's been put into. Go through circumstances that nobody should have to go through. Learning to just walk away from things. Picking up her own pieces from having a broken heart. Holding it all together when all she wants to do is fall a part.

I've always said that I've gone through enough to know enough. I'm growing up, and it's about time I get my act together. I know I need to be better, and that's what I'm going to do from now on.

-Lim

2 New Tattoos ; for my bruthaa.

His initials..


Carpe Diem.

R.J.K.Y ; Rest in Paradise

It hasn't even been a week.. and I still can't believe it. I miss you little brutha. I'm never going to understand why you were take away so suddenly. You're the one person who was supposed to stick around.. there was still so much to do. You had so much going for you.

I stayed at your viewing yesterday for almost 7 hours.. yet it didn't even like it was that long. I felt like I could've sat there forever, waitig for you to just get up. Maybe it'll all sink in on the day of your funeral.. but I even doubt that.

I try not to cry because I know that's not what you would want. You would want us to be happy, celebrating your life. But I'm still bitter.. because it's not fair.

I have to just think that God has a bigger plan for you and wanted you early.. I know you didn't feel any pain when you passed.. that makes me feel a little bit better. You're in paradise now, and we'll meet again..

-Lim

Rest In Paradise Russelle Joseph Yap.

"The best things happen when you least expect it."

Vacation Time;

I've been on vacation or the past few days, and I'm going to hate to see it end. I love getting out with my family and just having good times together. It makes me think that everything is so easy..

The feeling of getting away is nice. I said that I was going to try and leave my thoughts at home, but that's impossible. They all seem to just catch up with me. Once I have downtime, my mind just begins to wonder. I hate being the kind of person that over-analyzes things. That's never going to change.

I'm going to make the most of these next few days because it's rare when my family just gets together like this.

-Lim

Days go by,

I'm lovin how chill summer days can be. I'm not looking for any drama, no beef. I like it better when people can be straight up with me. Because all you've ever get from is something straight up.

My hearts gone through too much. And I'm not tryna go through anymore heart ache.. Space, time, and good times is all I'm really looking for this summer. I like being in good company, that it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

-Lim